Something that’s been on my mind the last few months…
You know how – after a breakup of some kind (from a company, significant-other, roommate, business partner, friend, family, etc) – we naturally hope the other person (‘the departed’) doesn’t do better than us -or sometimes: doesn’t do good AT ALL? I don’t know if this is as simple as a basic insecurity within us that says “if they succeed after they left me, that proves that I was the dead weight”; or just consider it validation of you “losing” somehow, vicariously, if they ‘win’ something after they’ve moved on from you.
So, I guess I don’t know what it is or where it truly comes from.
What I do know is: it’s not healthy. Mentally. Spiritually. Emotionally.
There is simply no benefit to wishing negative on others….or even if you don’t go that far and you simply don’t wish positive things – still, no benefit.
So maybe you’re reading this and saying “that doesn’t apply to me…I don’t wish negative things on people, I hope the best for them”. And you know what…you may be in that minority that truly…100%…doesn’t do this. If you are: I commend you! – But I’ll even refine the “problem” a little more:
Maybe you’re not actively wishing good or bad for the person/company/etc…perhaps you don’t even give them much thought at all. You say “I hope the best for them” and forget about them entirely. 6 months go by after they thought something better than you was out there (a new employee to replace you, a new boyfriend/girlfriend, a new roommate, etc) and you hear they they’re struggling with the replacement. I don’t know about you, but without much conscious thought – I start the “I toldya so” song in my head and feel a little better inside and say “oh, that’s too bad…hopefully it works out”….but really: it made me feel kinda pleased to find out that the grass wasn’t necessarily as green as they thought when they departed from me..
The same scenario can be flipped…you find out that they’re doing GREAT…you get that blank look on your face, naturally bob your head up and down and say “hmm…wow…well, good for them!”….but just naturally feel a little down….again, perhaps thinking that validated that you were “wrong” in your views on your personal value, somehow.
Ok, I think you get the gist. I know I’ve been in this situation many times…and I see many people around me in similar situations. If you & I have a falling out – it becomes natural for me to not wish good things for you (consciously, or subconsciously)…
But again…where is the benefit to YOU?
If you aren’t careful, you can find yourself so caught up in the aftermath of THEIR lives, that you drain the energy you could have pumped into your successes and your triumphs and your adventures.
This is a 2-fold issue. Not only are you cheating the energy away from yourself & your progresses – but there is also the issue of positive & negative energy.
Call it “karma”, if you will.
If you are putting out negative….negative is what you will also receive (like: the more you focus on hoping your ex’s new relationship spoils…the more you’re likely going to stumble in difficult relationships also).
Equally: if you are putting out positive…positive is what you will receive (truly, hope for the actual best for your ex…not just say it…MEAN it…pray for it…believe you want them to do incredible things….with this mentality, it will naturally gravitate positive things into your future relationships).
It’s not a new rule….we all know and use the terms/laws of “Karma”….but it’s more about focusing it on this individual part of your life. Think about people who have wronged you today….companies that fired you…business partner that swindled you….think about them and start erasing your negative tone about them. Work on auto-correcting your internal defense mechanisms and realize you are stronger than you thought…in fact strong enough to genuinely and sincerely forgive them & actively wish 110% positive and progressive things for them (personally, emotionally, financially, etc).
Try that exercise and you will be thanking yourself later 😉